The Game of "Real" Life

Angela and I played my "Game of Real Life" board game. It's a pretty fun game that parodies The Game of Life. Some spots you land on say funny things like, "Shot in a drive-by shooting", "Forced into Corporate Fitness Program", or "Drugs: LSD" where you have the choice of rolling the dice to take LSD and chance becoming addicted and losing health points, or maybe having a good time and getting smiley faces. The point of the game is to have the most smiley faces. Angela died before me, but she had more smiley faces, so she won.

Here's a diary of my "real life."

Fate pre-determined that I was to be born female, poor, and not very healthy. Fittingly enough, I was aborted and started a new life. It was pre-determined that I was going to be just as poor, female still, and even less healthy. I was born to drunken parents that beat me up. Probably due to the beatings, I turned out to be "pug-ugly." And probably due to my bad looks, my first kiss was with the smelly kid up the street.

When I was an adolescent, I was shot in a drive-by shooting--thankfully I recovered, only to be beaten up on the mean streets where I lived because I had the wrong skin tone. It wasn't long before I got spirituality. Things started looking up from there. I had sex for the first time--it was good.

I got a job doing grunt labor which was the best I could do since I was an undocumented worker. My lover asked me to marry him, so I considered marriage, but decided to stay single. Nonetheless I had a baby after being in labor for 25 hours.

A few years later I fell in love. I really wanted a baby, and my wish was granted. This time I had a C-Section.

Time rolled on by and I was still poor with 2 kids to feed. Finally the kids ganged up on their mom and forced me to get my life together. Then I participated in civil disobedience (and as a result got pepper sprayed).

One day I had a bad breast day--all the men that day just kept talking to my chest all day long. I was really busy and it was dragging me down, but finally I got some extra time to relax and have a few days off--this made me gain my health back, though I started getting severed PMS.

It wasn't long before I fried my brain on too much TV. Sex cured this, and I got pregnant. I couldn't afford another kid, so I gave it up for adoption. One day soon after that I was working on the house with a power tool, had an accident, and lost a finger. I had to call in sick after that.

Genetically altered wolves were introduced in my neighborhood and attacked me. I couldn't run away since I was really unhealthy. I almost died. After that I spent a wild Friday night returning bottles to the grocery store down the street.

Things that winter got really tight...the people in the projects where I lived had no money and no food and no help, so we had a Donner Party situation that occured. Thankfully I was not one of the eaten ones.

A short time after this I decided to fast for a day which really cleansed my system and made me healthier. Then love kicked my ass and my lover left me. So I went out dancing to cheer up. I had some great dreams after my wild night of dancing and drinking.

By this time, my father was quite old and feable. I had to change his diapers.

Then I lost one of my children. I can't believe I outlived her. I was in a funk after that and got some mysterious disease which impaired my immune system. I came down with influenza and died.

THE END